A grieving mother mourned her two young children for years, believing her beloved kids had been taken away from her due to a medical condition and an accident.

But Laura Gray later discovered that it was actually her partner, construction worker Jordan Monaghan, who killed 24-day-old Ruby and 21-month-old Logan to make her stay with him.

Speaking to Sunday Mirror, Laura said she is haunted by thoughts of how her children died as she replays their final days over and over.

“I always feel guilty, every day I feel guilt, and it runs through my head all the time what I could have done differently,” Laura said.

“I carry that with me every day. I will carry that with me for the rest of my life.”

Ruby, who was only 24 days old, was smothered by Monaghan in her basket at their Blackburn, Lancs home.

When Laura saw him holding the baby who was fighting for breath, she immediately called an ambulance. Ruby had to stay in the hospital for three days, but only one day after she was discharged, Monaghan killed her.

Medics ruled she had acute bronchial pneumonia as Laura never suspected her baby had passed away at the hands of her partner.

“I crashed completely after Ruby died,” Laura said. “I really leaned on Jordan for support. He was very strong and practical. He planned the funeral, then he returned to work.

“He just carried on. But again, I just thought that he was being strong for me.

“I didn’t suspect a thing. We focused on Logan, because he was all we had left. Jordan had a really close relationship with his son.”

But eight months later, he took 21-month-old Logan to a local swimming pool then smothered him in a cubicle before wheeling the toddler home in his pushchair with a rain cover on.

“Jordan told me to wake Logan while he went out to collect a pizza,” Laura recalled.

“He looked the same as Ruby. Jordan tried CPR, covering up what he had done and putting on a show, knowing he was already dead. I was shell-shocked, absolutely devastated.”

The couple tried to rebuilt their lives but Laura decided to end their relationship when Monaghan started gambling again.

Five years later, more details came to light involving another child.

30-year-old Monaghan was arrested on suspicion of murder. While on police bail, he reportedly murdered his girlfriend, 23-year-old Evie Adams, with a deadly cocktail of diazepam and tramadol.

He was found guilty of two counts of attempted murder on an unidentified child and three counts of murder. He was sentenced to 40 years behind bars.

Laura now asks herself what could’ve been done differently.

“When I found Ruby, she was covered with a blanket,” she said. “Looking back, that didn’t make sense. Surely if she wasn’t breathing, he would have uncovered her? With Logan, he had taken him swimming without telling me.

“Jordan hated swimming, he’d never been. Then he came home and insisted that I woke Logan, to ensure that I found him. I still struggle not to blame myself.”

She continued: “Looking back, he was controlling me, even then, but I didn’t see it. Nobody did. I could never in my worst nightmares have imagined what the future held.”

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